how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
