Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
