I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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