The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
