and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
