In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
