Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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