Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
