Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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