Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
