You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
