Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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