he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
