Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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