I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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