My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
