I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
