I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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