Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
