We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize