She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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