did you get engaged???
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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