So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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