If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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