Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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