And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
