We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
