I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
