we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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