dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize