that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
