I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize