Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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