Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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