my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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