We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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