This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
