is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
