i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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