you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
