I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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