You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
