Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
