omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
