I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize