I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
