dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
