You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
