You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
