Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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