i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize