You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
