he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
