Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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