I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
