Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
