2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
