Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
