I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
