i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
