I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
