matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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