are you still at the devil's house?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
