How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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