i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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