Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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