Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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