I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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