Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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