he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
